Saturday, January 12, 2013

Miss America

I hate pageants.  I think it's a terrible thing to put anybody through, and trying to pass off Miss America as a "scholarship program" reminds me of Miss Congeniality.  It's also saying the only way you're going to be able to pay for college is by being pretty.

My hostility aside, I AM watching it.  Because it's funny.

1.) Their intros for their states are just awful.  Miss Wisconsin actually said, "Where I'm from, cutting the cheese is a big deal."

2.) I can't believe I'm 10 years (or more) older than these girls.  Tons of makeup and big hair makes you look old, I guess...

3.) All the girls look the same to me.

4.) Miss Iowa's name is Mariah Cary.  That...is so awesome.  I hope her talent is singing.  And I hope she's AWFUL at it.  That would be...way too funny.  (I posted this on my facebooks, too, because I couldn't stop laughing)

5.) I bet the girls who didn't get called into the final bunch are already eating pizza.

6.) Is there a Mr. America pageant?

7.) I wish someone's talent would be...doing calculus.  Or dissecting a frog.

8.) Since it's a "scholarship program", they should make the girls do something on stage that's academic.  Finish an analogy.  Execute the quadratic formula.  Name 5 elements.  Name 2 superior court justices.  Locate her fibula.  (I don't know what being in a bikini has to do with a scholarship)

9.) No matter how good you are are baton twirling, I will not be impressed.

10.) I wish Simon Cowell was a judge.  And I wish the judges could make comments.

11.) Miss Wyoming, I was really excited to see a piano on stage.  But when you then played your own composition and it's something I could have played when I was literally 7....I was very disappointed.  All that tells me is you are not good enough to play Rachmaninoff.  

It was better than the girl who played Jackson 5, whose backtrack was obviously doing the playing for her.  Well, obvious to me, a person who knows how to play piano.  That was the fakest performance ever.

12.) Why did you do that to "I dreamed a dream"?  Your excessive vibrato and faces of pain did not fool me.  You lacked breath support and....you sang flat almost the whole time.

13.) Almost all of the contestants had footage shown of them competing in pageants when they were like 4.  That's....sad.

14.) Noooooo.....Mariah Cary didn't sing.  I'm so disappointed.  I look at the 3 tap dancers and wonder if their tap dancing is as unimpressive to real dancers as the piano playing was to me.  The first tap dancing girl seemed good.

15.) Okay, I'm watching the interview questions (20 whole seconds).  I'd love to hear someone give a non-PC answer.  Of course, it would be nice if someone actually answered the question, too....

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