Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day

Traditionally, I do not enjoy Valentine's Day.

I don't like pink, I used to hate hearts, as a kid I hated anything remotely girly or frilly...

But my true disdain comes from my first experience with Valentine's Day.  If you are my former student, you have heard this story.  Every year.  Sometimes twice a year.  If you are not my student...you probably still have heard this story.  It has become a tradition, however, for me to tell this story on V-Day, so here I go.

Kindergarten.

I grew up in a really strict household.  We had no candy or junk food.  SOMETIMES tortilla chips would appear, but they were not children food.  At breakfast, I could have orange juice, skim milk, or water.  At lunch, I could have skim milk or water.  At dinner, I could have water.  I didn't know what potato chips tasted like until 7th grade (they sold them for 25 cents at the snack bar).  I grew up eating turkey hot dogs, and didn't know what a real hot dog tasted like until I was 17.

You get the idea.

So, when in kindergarten, we had pouches with our names on it, and candy appeared in these pouches, I was intrigued.  Truth be told, I can't remember if we brought candy and somehow my mom sent me to school with candy (this seems unlikely), or if I just didn't bring candy, or if it magically appeared from adults.  I'm inclined to go with the last option.

Having throwed my Halloween candy at my neighbor earlier that year, I had not actually had any of my candy.  While it seems unlikely that I got to kindergarten without ever having any candy, I remember having no concept of what candy was.

When I had my first piece in class, all I could think was....wow, this is delicious!  What IS this??...and I proceeded to eat all the candy in my pouch.

That's not ever a good idea, but especially when you are small and your system has never had that kind or amount of sugar...well....

I got a tummy ache.  My mom picked me up, and I already didn't feel good.  Then I felt worse.  I spent the rest of the day in bed wondering how something so delicious could make me feel so bad.  It's something that still haunts me to this day (Cheez-Its, I'm talking to you!).

I didn't go to school for 3 days.

Stupid candy.  Stupid delicious candy.

I never did it again.  At least not with candy.  I did go through a similar event with Cheetos.  And potato chips.  And every single time I've eaten Cheez-Its ever in my life.  But not with candy!

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!  Here's hoping you don't vomit.

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